Mystery Basket Finals Fiasco

My nerves are shot and I'm ready to resume

Anger Management

classes!!

We did our finals yesterday and today. Our class was divided in teams of two Team A and Team B. The final was the "Mystery Basket" cooking test and today was our teams chance to show off our skills and creativity. A mystery basket is an array of foods; fruits, veggies and staples and then a mix of proteins. None of which we are aware of until that morning. From the basket, we make an appetizer, salad, soup, entree and dessert. Just like on Iron Chef America! (the comparison ends there) Read on for Foods of Americas Fiascos!

Our recipes are put together on the spot, no previous idea of what we're going to do and no recipes to follow. We are graded for our cooking techniques, safety and sanitation, cleanliness, execution of the recipes into a tasty yet beautifully plated finished dish using the ingredients to the best of our abilities. The team that cooks has use of the opposite team to assist, clean, and support all.

It was an experience to be sure. In the end its not the pressure of the timing and the recipes that got me but the clash of the egos. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Something like that. Personally I felt let down by the person who chose to do the dessert and the vegetables for the entree. Normally desserts are the fortay of this particular individual but today was a serious misstep. I can understand if you want to do things your way when you cook, but when you insist on taking charge of it - do the best you can do and not just toss something together as a last minute non effort.


The other problem was that today was the last day before summer break so the only things left over were stuff no one ever wants to cook with. Butternut squash soup was the choice for the soup makers. To be honest, there didn't seem to be much other choice. Our appetizer person was all gung ho to make the appetizer and insisted on it a day in advance but when it came to production apparently there wasn't much thought put into it. It was a bust as well. If I gave out the grade the first Team did a better job over all.


I doubt anyone really studied various recipes prior to the competition but I didn't feel like I could remember stuff off the top of my head so I checked things out online to make sure I knew amounts of ingredients to blend to make something right. I also put together a list the night before of all kinds of vegetable possibilities, potato ideas, and garnishes that I knew we could easily handle. I passed it around to a few people but they apparently had their own ideas which is great, if it happened. Which it didn't. A couple of days before this another person and I discussed some possibilities to do with a fish entree in case we got fish to work with. I thought that one was settled as a collaborative plan until the fish showed up and got totally reworked with NO sauce. It was good but it looked too dry. A salsa or sauce would have set it off better.


The bottom line is that when you are posed to work as a team things can either go very well or very wrong. Today was not a good day. I was not proud of our work and our plates. It was mediocre and put me in a very dark mood to say the least. I'd like to have bitch-slap a few people today but they don't allow that at school. I hope to all that is culinary that I don't have that team again. My last nerve may blow should I be forced to revisit another day like today. That would be ugly and serious. I had trouble keeping my yap shut today as it was.

Someone may find themselves in a basket and it'll be no mystery how they got there. Grrrrrr.

In The Home Stretch!

We're almost done with the America's. A few more days of lard, lossa oil, lossa beef and pork and fried foods. I can almost see the finish line but for my hardening arteries getting in the way.

Alas, today we enjoyed Fish and a Shrimp stew or something like that. 'Cept it had okra in it. I really don't care for that little slimy vegetable. The fish was a blackened cajun style which was very spicy but I couldn't stop eating it.

My little world made the Corn Bread. I love corn bread. I roasted a poblano chile and added it with an ear of fresh roasted corn too for crunch. It was delicious. I brought some home to my cement bunker.

Can't Be-yotch about the weather since its gotten cooler. Very nice work Mr. God. My favorite. Beats that heat burst you threw at us last week. While you're at it, can you toss a bit of rainy stuff over No. California way? Its been a bit smokey and firey lately and its burning some vineyards. I thought the vineyards were off limits for such occurances?! WTF? Wha' happen? You're computer have a malfunction? We need rain R.A.I.N. Get on that ASAP. Those vineyards are Sacred Stuff. Jeez...

The end of this week is .....(drumroll please).... Summer Break!! YES. When we return to classes July 7th it will be 3 glorious weeks of Asian Cuisine. We will even get one day touring Chinatown as a class. We'll learn all cuisines, Szechwan, Thai, Chinese, Mongolian... (kidding) Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. Its possible my arteries will get a break from the fats but I fear my blood pressure will get a lift from the sodium. Eh, who cares really. Lets Eat!!

Satan, Pls Turn the Heat Off

Not Funny anymore. Some oddballs like the heat, even some I'm related to, not me. Half of me, the cheap Irish skin part cannot deal with the Blistering Sun God. After cooking all morning in an extra HOT kitchen with layers of clothing, socks and big ol' heavy shoes, I boarded the Shuttle or the 'ol' tin can', for the ride home. I could close my eyes and was sure I was on a diesel bus rattling through the Egyptian desert heat at High Noon on a pot-holed dusty road miles from the nearest sign of life. The photo to the right seems like it is chilly-er than that horrid shuttle. I even wondered if Satan's little driver had the heater on for a joke. I think I even smelled like a camel when I arrived at my destination. Maybe we'll be cooking camel next week. Probably. We've seriously run through the entire beef and pork kingdom in class already. There can't be any live Porky's or Bessie's left. Someone call Noah and have him send two more of each STAT! Oh yeah, and call Moses while your at it and have him lead me out of this friggin' desert before I melt!!

What did we cook today you ask? Who cares. Its too hot to think.

I can't resist. We had PORK RIBS! Scrambled eggs with CHEESE (this is like a bad dream huh) home fried potatoes that were cooked in LARD! (but Phil said he used half of what Chef told him to.) Thanks Phil, you're a dream - and I'm living a triple-by-pass nightmare for God's sake. Then, to cool our jets, we had some HABANERO chile sauce to top everything with. I've never ever seen soooooo many habanero's put into one dish. I counted 63 of them. I'm NOT kidding! Chef had me count them. They were mixed with tomatoes and onions and chili powder, cumin and paprika. Granted we filled up a hugh plastic Lexan container with it but even still those little "Scotch Bonnets" are unbelieveable hot. I think we ended up with about 3 or so gallons of sauce, but 63 CHILES!! (Papa J, I've got some extra to bring home for you cuz I know you like that hot stuff)

And how the heck did they get the name of Scotch Bonnet? I could make something up but that'd be no fun. Oh hell. Yes it would. But I'll try that one another day perhaps.

On a side note, why is it that the birds don't fly out of the city to a cooler area when its so hot? They can. Don't they know that? They could fly to the beach and it would be much cooler. Here they are hanging out on the hot pavement picking at dried up old crumbs and stuff. Why not fly to a lake or water hangout and chill off and doze in a shady tree? Does the heat make everything stupid? At least I'm in a dark hovel with a fan blowing.

One Chef, Deep Fried, Comin' Up

Interesting day today in FOA (Foods of Americas). But before I get into anything in depth let me say for the record that I realized today that I love the kitchen madness. I love being part of the fun, the gossip, the anger, the conflicts, the jokes, and the rush of the whole experience. It is addicting in a very foundational sense.

Now, on to the conflicts and anger. (This is the gossip part where I talk about someone who doesn't know. That's gossip right?) I was forced to throw out my Look of Death today. Not something I do often since I almost really think its possible that I may mean it once upon a time, in a way...

The Chef was giving us our menu this morning and revising the recipes when he came to the Snapper Veracruz. He started out with an ingredient list directed to the individual who was going to be making it then stopped and said "Oh never mind, you can just read the recipe". I got to thinking that I would like to have this recipe so I could make it so I asked if he wouldn't continue with the list so I could write it down when he looked at me and said (in front of the whole class) "why do you want me to do that when you can just read the recipe? You can read a recipe can't you?!" Mind you, he doesn't give the recipes to the whole class, just the person who is making it and its not like I'd have time to copy it in the middle of cooking my dish.

I looked at him and the class went silent for a moment. I threw up my left eyebrow while staring at him (inside I was counting to calm myself and reply like an adult) and then I said, "I would like to cook this fish sometime and would like to have the recipe". At this point he realized (I'm being generous here) what went wrong in his delivery and misunderstanding or maybe my left eyebrow and Death Stare was giving him a chill since he stammered and said he'd have a copy made for me. Someone else spoke up who also wanted a copy. We got the copies in 5 minutes then I went about my business of wacking my pork section till it cried bloody murder.

Did I say Pork? Again? Yes. Of course we're doing more meats, we're the Donner Party. I was making a Carnitas Platter. I pan fried it golden brown on all sides in a canola/olive oil mix so it doesn't burn or smoke like regular olive oil when the Chef dared to enter my line of demarcation and then told me that I was supposed to be cooking that in Lard not oil. I croaked out the word LARD? and looked at him. Then I told him my cholesterol was high enough without adding some lard to it so that's why I was cooking in oil. Then the charmer turned to the class once again bleating out that we are supposed to follow the recipes as written! If we couldn't follow the recipes then what the heck were we doing in his class?! I don't know what was hotter, the fatty oil in the frying pan or my entire body, mind and soul. I slowly turned when he was "chatting away" and picked up the recipe and took another good look at it and to no surprise to me there was NO mention of using lard. I showed it to the Chef and said the recipe doesn't designate lard so I chose to use oil.

He sort of harumpf'd and mumbled and then left my world. I think he took a rocket. I was simmering like a pot of molten lava for most of the morning.

Back to the pork. You may not believe this but after frying and simmering the pork in a sauce I had to take it out when it was softened and DEEP FRY the morsels till crispy then re-add them to the sauce for further cooking. Can you believe that?! I can't believe it and I did it. And he wanted me to use Lard?!? I was Shock! Lard, he mentioned to me shortly after, was not a contributor to high cholesterol anyway. Oh boy! I'm going to rush out and buy myself some Bakenettes! You know, those fried pork skins that taste like styrofoam? My daughter used to call them the thirsty chips when she was young since you could not eat one and swallow without help - they are ek-tream-ally dry. But good. I should have put the crispy fried pork in a 3 egg omelet, topped with some sour cream, loads of cheese and a phone call to the local EMTs so I could arrive at the ER right on time for my heart attack.

I may be crazy but I'll have to go in tomorrow for more of this deep fried fun. Like taking a double bacon cheeseburger and covering it with beer batter and then deep frying it. I think our Chef kit the school gives us should have a little box of various Stents so we can just have them handy for the ride over in the ambulance.

If anyone out there is a lawyer, could you just see about hooking me up with some Jury Duty next week? I dont think I'll make it through another week of beef, pork, lard, or double deep fried morsels of clumped cholesterol. Thanks. You're a pal.

Hola Central America

Guess what was on the menu today? Roasted Pork, Jerk Chicken and Shrimp with Scallops. That's right, something completely different from our last 8 days of cooking! NOT.

I have to admit that I ate some pork and then some more since it was really tasty. I wasn't too keen on the shrimp with scallops (sorry Phil) but I've got high cholesterol and they are packed with it. I tried the Jerk Chicken, my first, and it was good. At least it was moist and tender. There were some "greens" that Phil made too (did you make the shrimp dish too Phil?) anyway, the Collard Greens were also the First for me and they were delicious! I bought some back to the Cave with me and will eat them momentarially. Yum! Something Green and yummy! Do it again tomorrow Fillippe!

While everyone was busy with their recipes I got to pick a dessert from the Central American Cookbook Chef had. I picked a Banana Rum Cake with a Lime Glaze and whipped cream with some lime juice and a hint of nutmeg. I thought it was good if not a bit flat looking. I think I should have added some baking powder to make it fluffier. It was good but thin.

I'm on the edge of my seat wondering what we'll be making tomorrow. (yeah, right) Maybe I can talk the Chef into letting me make a fruit salad. (yeah, right). And we're only half way through this class. I love the Chef, he's so funny, don't get me wrong. Its the food that's driving me mad cowish. If its not beef its sugar.

Chef found a new "toy" yesterday and he LOVES it. Its his wooden dowel pointer. He just realized that he can slam it against the White Board or on the metal table tops to keep our attention. He's so cute. There it is, 7:25am and he pops that devil stick against the whiteboard and BINGO! I'm having a heart seizure. He smiles and you can tell he's tickled with himself. Then he'll make a statement that he thinks is important and WHAM, on the metal table it falls. What a doll. By 8:10 I'm taking a Xanax, my nerves are rattled and I'm wishing I had a Nitro Pill to suck on or an opportunity to practice my knife skills on the spot. He was so happy he found out he could do that. I know he wishes he found the power that the Little Lucifer can deliver 5 years ago when he started teaching. How thrilling it is to know that he discovered it in our class. A note in my Hope Chest on that one. He's just as adorable as a rabid pit bull.

And you wonder why I needed to make a Rum cake?

Forget Fine China, I Found My Dish Pattern!!

OMG. This class may end up being the end of me. We eat pork, beef, chicken and fish every day. The last two are tag-alongs to the first two main players on this team. I'm soooo FULL of eating red meats and no real vegetables or salads. I've got to smuggle my way out of this class ASAP before my doctor realizes this stuff is the cause of my rising cholesterol. I think the Chef doesn't really care for veggies and I know he doesn't care for salads. He's the first to poo-poo the idea of making one ending with the little phrase "no one really eats it anyway".

Today I made Spanish Rice and Beans. Chef wanted me to make the beans Central American style which was with sauteed chorizo, onions, garlic, a squash that looks like a bell, fresh corn, cumin, paprika, cayenne, bay leaves, and - oh yeah, Beans. Not my standard pot of beans but its his dog and pony show. Actually, it ended up to be quite tasty especially with the added chorizo. A nice cholesterol boost there just for the fun of it I guess.

My buddy Phil (Pill, or Fillip [said in a sing song frenchie voice] as Chef named him) made the Chicken dish thank gawd. I dove right into it after glomming on my rice and beans. I was sooo hungry I couldn't wait to eat. I was going to cook chicken tonight in my cubby hole but thanks to Philly-Me-Boy I dun hab to. Muchos Gracias Amigo.

Another guy in class made a pork dish that was in Achiote, which is a So. Amer. spice. I couldn't get myself to eat some because the spice made the meat look Drum Beat Red which is redder than a brick. Pork doesn't appeal to me when its the color of war paint on a hungry indian holding a brick.

Tomorrow we'll be stuck in the rut of Central America again. I may have to call in from the ER room where the staff will be busy opening my arteries again. I long for my Vegan Chef Vanita and Contemporary Cooking. I had to settle for some fresh steamed veggies and rice for dinner. I'll be switching to that from now on for dinner. I want to live to see August.

Eat your Veggies!

Steak and Potatoes, Again!

Tourist Travel Culinary Guide to South American Countries: Mos of dees cuuntrees, dey eat lossa beef en pork en lam. Please be prepare to hab no-ting but a-lossa dis typa foods eff jew go dare. Eef jew don keer for ameat products den jew my wan to aboyd dis country.

I'm learning alot from our Chef who hails from Chile. I'm learning how to 'aspeak hiss lang-guich'. It was difficult at first but I'm getting a hang of it now. Actually, I'm starting to speak like him in my head! I'm listening to his lectures for 5 hours a day and the Lang-guich is sticking now. I'm beginning to almost unner-sand my instructor-chef now. (Thursday)

I'm not making fun since I come from a Hispanic background, I'm just noting the accent and trying to make sense of it. At times I'm fondly reminded of my dear departed Grandfather who spoke with a heavy accent as well, even after living the majority of his life here in the States. The Chef will say thing just like my sweet Grandpa would say and its like hearing from him again. Very sweet. I like our Chef. He's very organized and a serious Clean Freak. I LOVE that! Finally we get to a class that stresses cleanliness and organization! Our previous class was a riot of dirty dishes and messy tables. It was hard for me to work in that kind of environment. I can't begin to cook unless everything is clean. (guess I'm a neat freak too). Even though I really liked our previous Chef I could not stand the messiness and lazy student Chefs who sometimes would return a borrowed tool DIRTY! That was the last straw.

But I digress... It has been record HOT temps here in SF for the last week and more to come so that is another reason I have a hard time eating the food from these countries. Its Stews, hot spices, very little fresh Seggies, some salads, more beef, bacon, lard, (yes in this class we use LARD!), lamb and more beef. I can't do it. Its just too much. I need to head to a Spa somewhere for detox and massaging out the toxins (or whatever). I feel so sluggish.

So the bottom line is that I'm not really enjoying this class as much as the others. Maybe its the lard or the beef or the beef. I can't quite put my hoof on it. Plus, its so hot. Too hot for hot foods. I may have to move to Alaska due to global warming. I came to this City for the marine air and fog. I should get a discount on my student loans for this travesty!

Its early but I'm off to sleep now. All this "hearty" food has taken its toll on my nighttime hours. I'm offically an Old Fogey. Going to bed soooo early. Happily. That's the fogey part.

Troops Amass at South America!

In keeping with my little "conquering" theme, we docked our ships on the coast of Argentina yesterday and planted our flag in the middle of the Pampas where the beef do roam. I think the weather has the troops at a disadvantage since it seems the Argentinians are making 'stews' to weigh us down and slow us up in the current heat wave melting San Francisco. If it doesn't get below 75 soon I'll succumb.

Mission accomplished. I guess the South Americans eat herds of beef as the main staple in their diet. I don't. We've had a stew made with a handful of different meats and then again today as we duck-walked into Brazil. Yet another stew to face and overcome. I could not make my play-date today to play ping-pong as I've been so overwhelmed with beef that I can't move. I'm sluggish and don't want to face another stew tomorrow. I refuse to eat it!! Are they good, you ask? Yes! They are delicious and I've saved the recipes for WINTER when they should be eaten. I'll have to move to Alaska or Canada to enjoy them properly, but yes, quite tasty.

Our Chef is from Chile and I guess this stuff is fine with him since he told me today that he's been teaching this class for the last 5 years and has had the same food cycle EVERY 3 WEEKS!! Now that's someone who is either stuck in a rut or just plain loves beef! Five years. I can't believe it. I asked him if it always tastes the same and he said yes. But he did offer that one class could NOT seem to cook except to make rice so he did all the cooking for that class. There is precious little salads in this class. No raw foods but hecka beef, pork, bacon, lamb, more beef and then some shrimp and lobsters. I hate lobsters. Big bugs basically. So are shrimp and crabs but somehow Lobsters ruin it for me. Cheap date. (not, huh Joey?) [crab can be mighty 'spensive]

Its 8pm. I must retire to my nighttime post. Back to the wars tomorrow. Going to bed early cuza beef! blech. I'm tired.

Chef Deb Needs a LoJack!

I've been MIA for 5 whole days. Wow! Time sure flies. I'll have to blame it on the weather. San Francisco has seen some of the most beautiful days lately that are hard to ignore. The mornings are simple poetic. The sun shines on all green things and the skies are so clear and blue it begs all birds to fly, then there's the air which has a mix of a bay marine dried aroma that sends your salt buds flushing. The morning is so still and yet so alive with the birds singing in au masse dotted along the roadways. I like to think that the birds have actual "talk and visit trees" where they gather together and begin their morning just like we do at our coffee houses and cafes.

I got lost in all this natural glory and then indulged myself over the weekend at the Families Home visiting and mingling. Papa John (I love that name, reminds me of someone famous) wanted to take us out to dinner Saturday night for pasta and maybe some Linguini and Clams and I suddenly blanched and said that I couldn't possible enjoy someone else's dissmal plate of same and enjoy it knowing that I can cook that dish To Die For! Oddly, I got my way and cooked up a mouth watering, garlicky, butterey dish of fine pasta and clams (I'll make that pasta myself when I get a pasta machine of my own!)

It was served up with a Ceasar Salad, fresh french bread and butter, and a Killer bottle of Raymond Burr Cabernet Savignon vintage 2000. It was PERFECTLY aged, the tannins were smoothe and the flavor of currants, coffee, a dash of tobacco and dried cherries was memorable. Thanks to Papa John for that excellent addition to the dinner! I woke the next morning immediately recalling that wine. Now THAT'S what a good wine is supposed to do to you!

We started a new class today: The Foods of the Americas. Today we cooked Argentinian foods. Very tasty but its too hot out for stews. I was so warm in class that I took off my neckerchief and ran it under cold water and reapplied it. Wow. That was the right thing to do. I was tempered for the rest of the class. Afterall, we had the grill going, the stovetops, the ovens, and the music. Even with the fans running the room was toasty. I heard some of the YOUNGER gals saying they thought they were getting Hot Flashes early! Yeah, right. Just you wait chickees, you'll toast like no tomorrow in a decade or two.

We were assigned our Projects for the end of class today and I somehow lucked out with the Yucatan Peninsula!!! YES. I think the cooking gods were assigning absolution for the Southern Germany botchup. I've been to Cancun and to Costa Maya in the Yucatan. They have great Tequila! (isn't the worm a food? Appetizer?) I can't quite recall the other stuff. The view was nice and the weather was, well, like today. The tequila was good though....

Have a good evening! See you around the haciendas!

Southern Germany Conquered!

My project for Southern German cooking was due today. A complete report, menu with pricing, description of region, area, and information, recipes, timeline for cooking plan and plate presentation. I would have had a perfect score but the whole class was late in putting all the plates up at the same time so I was docked points for that. Otherwise, taste, flavor, composition, use of ingredients, and originality was all there. I didn't do it all myself as we have to "employ" 3 or 4 other student chefs to assist. My buddy Phil and my friend Sommer helped me and I had 3 floaters throughout.

I wasn't nervous or any of that prior or when I got to class. It was just another day. I had no idea how the recipes were going to turn out since I never made them before. But then again how hard is it to cook pork and wursts and sauerkraut and spaetzle? My pork and beer stew was the biggest winner next to the dessert which was a tasty coffee pudding with a foamy coffee sauce. Hats off to Sommer Clifford for that one. Poor Phil was stuck with the authentic but not terrible inviting Ham and Asparagus Rolls in Aspic, garnished with sliced boiled eggs. (very German) Another fellow put together the Wursts and Sauerkraut with Apples and Onions casserole style. I served it with rye bread and Dijon mustard in Tomato Cups for presentation.

I'm just happy to have the closest to near perfect score for the menu. Very happy.

Napa Valley Wine Tour

Our school put on a tour of the Napa Valley this past Saturday for 40 students - FREE -! It was a great day into the lovely countryside and a nice break from the City.

We went to the Robert Mondavi vineyard for a tasting, tour of the grounds and private tour of the cellars where they hold the huge 2 story 5,000 gallon barrels and the secondary cellar where the 60 gallon barrels are held. It was definitely a VIP tour.

Then we went to the Franciscan vineyards where they set up lunch tables for us outside in a private dining area "al fresco" under the shade of trees. We also indulged in a little Italian Bocchi Ball! Cue Brando and Al Pacino to enter the set. It was really perfect. The weather was balmy with blue skies and a slight warm breeze, so appreciated from the low clouds and chilling breezes of the City we left behind as we crossed the Golden Gate.

After a lunch provided by the CCA we headed into Franciscan's private tasting room which was really beautiful. It reminded me of a large mansions library with sliding ladders on both sides of a large rectangle wood room except in place of books there were wine bottles stack on their sides. It made for a memorable event. The subdued lighting on certain bottles was inviting and the Riedel crystal glasses set on the tables was stunning in the light. I only wish I brought my camera in there!

To add to the special treatment, we all got some heavy discounts on anything we bought in the shops. I bought some good wine at a big saving - so don't fret mum, I hope you enjoyed it!

We tasted everything they gave us like the good sports we were. In the end, it was quiet ride

back to San Fran with 80% of the students meditating. At least it looked like they were meditating. I soaked up the gorgeous views wondering once again why I don't live up there. A nice day indeed.