Mystery Basket Finals Fiasco

My nerves are shot and I'm ready to resume

Anger Management

classes!!

We did our finals yesterday and today. Our class was divided in teams of two Team A and Team B. The final was the "Mystery Basket" cooking test and today was our teams chance to show off our skills and creativity. A mystery basket is an array of foods; fruits, veggies and staples and then a mix of proteins. None of which we are aware of until that morning. From the basket, we make an appetizer, salad, soup, entree and dessert. Just like on Iron Chef America! (the comparison ends there) Read on for Foods of Americas Fiascos!

Our recipes are put together on the spot, no previous idea of what we're going to do and no recipes to follow. We are graded for our cooking techniques, safety and sanitation, cleanliness, execution of the recipes into a tasty yet beautifully plated finished dish using the ingredients to the best of our abilities. The team that cooks has use of the opposite team to assist, clean, and support all.

It was an experience to be sure. In the end its not the pressure of the timing and the recipes that got me but the clash of the egos. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Something like that. Personally I felt let down by the person who chose to do the dessert and the vegetables for the entree. Normally desserts are the fortay of this particular individual but today was a serious misstep. I can understand if you want to do things your way when you cook, but when you insist on taking charge of it - do the best you can do and not just toss something together as a last minute non effort.


The other problem was that today was the last day before summer break so the only things left over were stuff no one ever wants to cook with. Butternut squash soup was the choice for the soup makers. To be honest, there didn't seem to be much other choice. Our appetizer person was all gung ho to make the appetizer and insisted on it a day in advance but when it came to production apparently there wasn't much thought put into it. It was a bust as well. If I gave out the grade the first Team did a better job over all.


I doubt anyone really studied various recipes prior to the competition but I didn't feel like I could remember stuff off the top of my head so I checked things out online to make sure I knew amounts of ingredients to blend to make something right. I also put together a list the night before of all kinds of vegetable possibilities, potato ideas, and garnishes that I knew we could easily handle. I passed it around to a few people but they apparently had their own ideas which is great, if it happened. Which it didn't. A couple of days before this another person and I discussed some possibilities to do with a fish entree in case we got fish to work with. I thought that one was settled as a collaborative plan until the fish showed up and got totally reworked with NO sauce. It was good but it looked too dry. A salsa or sauce would have set it off better.


The bottom line is that when you are posed to work as a team things can either go very well or very wrong. Today was not a good day. I was not proud of our work and our plates. It was mediocre and put me in a very dark mood to say the least. I'd like to have bitch-slap a few people today but they don't allow that at school. I hope to all that is culinary that I don't have that team again. My last nerve may blow should I be forced to revisit another day like today. That would be ugly and serious. I had trouble keeping my yap shut today as it was.

Someone may find themselves in a basket and it'll be no mystery how they got there. Grrrrrr.

One Chef, Deep Fried, Comin' Up

Interesting day today in FOA (Foods of Americas). But before I get into anything in depth let me say for the record that I realized today that I love the kitchen madness. I love being part of the fun, the gossip, the anger, the conflicts, the jokes, and the rush of the whole experience. It is addicting in a very foundational sense.

Now, on to the conflicts and anger. (This is the gossip part where I talk about someone who doesn't know. That's gossip right?) I was forced to throw out my Look of Death today. Not something I do often since I almost really think its possible that I may mean it once upon a time, in a way...

The Chef was giving us our menu this morning and revising the recipes when he came to the Snapper Veracruz. He started out with an ingredient list directed to the individual who was going to be making it then stopped and said "Oh never mind, you can just read the recipe". I got to thinking that I would like to have this recipe so I could make it so I asked if he wouldn't continue with the list so I could write it down when he looked at me and said (in front of the whole class) "why do you want me to do that when you can just read the recipe? You can read a recipe can't you?!" Mind you, he doesn't give the recipes to the whole class, just the person who is making it and its not like I'd have time to copy it in the middle of cooking my dish.

I looked at him and the class went silent for a moment. I threw up my left eyebrow while staring at him (inside I was counting to calm myself and reply like an adult) and then I said, "I would like to cook this fish sometime and would like to have the recipe". At this point he realized (I'm being generous here) what went wrong in his delivery and misunderstanding or maybe my left eyebrow and Death Stare was giving him a chill since he stammered and said he'd have a copy made for me. Someone else spoke up who also wanted a copy. We got the copies in 5 minutes then I went about my business of wacking my pork section till it cried bloody murder.

Did I say Pork? Again? Yes. Of course we're doing more meats, we're the Donner Party. I was making a Carnitas Platter. I pan fried it golden brown on all sides in a canola/olive oil mix so it doesn't burn or smoke like regular olive oil when the Chef dared to enter my line of demarcation and then told me that I was supposed to be cooking that in Lard not oil. I croaked out the word LARD? and looked at him. Then I told him my cholesterol was high enough without adding some lard to it so that's why I was cooking in oil. Then the charmer turned to the class once again bleating out that we are supposed to follow the recipes as written! If we couldn't follow the recipes then what the heck were we doing in his class?! I don't know what was hotter, the fatty oil in the frying pan or my entire body, mind and soul. I slowly turned when he was "chatting away" and picked up the recipe and took another good look at it and to no surprise to me there was NO mention of using lard. I showed it to the Chef and said the recipe doesn't designate lard so I chose to use oil.

He sort of harumpf'd and mumbled and then left my world. I think he took a rocket. I was simmering like a pot of molten lava for most of the morning.

Back to the pork. You may not believe this but after frying and simmering the pork in a sauce I had to take it out when it was softened and DEEP FRY the morsels till crispy then re-add them to the sauce for further cooking. Can you believe that?! I can't believe it and I did it. And he wanted me to use Lard?!? I was Shock! Lard, he mentioned to me shortly after, was not a contributor to high cholesterol anyway. Oh boy! I'm going to rush out and buy myself some Bakenettes! You know, those fried pork skins that taste like styrofoam? My daughter used to call them the thirsty chips when she was young since you could not eat one and swallow without help - they are ek-tream-ally dry. But good. I should have put the crispy fried pork in a 3 egg omelet, topped with some sour cream, loads of cheese and a phone call to the local EMTs so I could arrive at the ER right on time for my heart attack.

I may be crazy but I'll have to go in tomorrow for more of this deep fried fun. Like taking a double bacon cheeseburger and covering it with beer batter and then deep frying it. I think our Chef kit the school gives us should have a little box of various Stents so we can just have them handy for the ride over in the ambulance.

If anyone out there is a lawyer, could you just see about hooking me up with some Jury Duty next week? I dont think I'll make it through another week of beef, pork, lard, or double deep fried morsels of clumped cholesterol. Thanks. You're a pal.