One Chef, Deep Fried, Comin' Up

Interesting day today in FOA (Foods of Americas). But before I get into anything in depth let me say for the record that I realized today that I love the kitchen madness. I love being part of the fun, the gossip, the anger, the conflicts, the jokes, and the rush of the whole experience. It is addicting in a very foundational sense.

Now, on to the conflicts and anger. (This is the gossip part where I talk about someone who doesn't know. That's gossip right?) I was forced to throw out my Look of Death today. Not something I do often since I almost really think its possible that I may mean it once upon a time, in a way...

The Chef was giving us our menu this morning and revising the recipes when he came to the Snapper Veracruz. He started out with an ingredient list directed to the individual who was going to be making it then stopped and said "Oh never mind, you can just read the recipe". I got to thinking that I would like to have this recipe so I could make it so I asked if he wouldn't continue with the list so I could write it down when he looked at me and said (in front of the whole class) "why do you want me to do that when you can just read the recipe? You can read a recipe can't you?!" Mind you, he doesn't give the recipes to the whole class, just the person who is making it and its not like I'd have time to copy it in the middle of cooking my dish.

I looked at him and the class went silent for a moment. I threw up my left eyebrow while staring at him (inside I was counting to calm myself and reply like an adult) and then I said, "I would like to cook this fish sometime and would like to have the recipe". At this point he realized (I'm being generous here) what went wrong in his delivery and misunderstanding or maybe my left eyebrow and Death Stare was giving him a chill since he stammered and said he'd have a copy made for me. Someone else spoke up who also wanted a copy. We got the copies in 5 minutes then I went about my business of wacking my pork section till it cried bloody murder.

Did I say Pork? Again? Yes. Of course we're doing more meats, we're the Donner Party. I was making a Carnitas Platter. I pan fried it golden brown on all sides in a canola/olive oil mix so it doesn't burn or smoke like regular olive oil when the Chef dared to enter my line of demarcation and then told me that I was supposed to be cooking that in Lard not oil. I croaked out the word LARD? and looked at him. Then I told him my cholesterol was high enough without adding some lard to it so that's why I was cooking in oil. Then the charmer turned to the class once again bleating out that we are supposed to follow the recipes as written! If we couldn't follow the recipes then what the heck were we doing in his class?! I don't know what was hotter, the fatty oil in the frying pan or my entire body, mind and soul. I slowly turned when he was "chatting away" and picked up the recipe and took another good look at it and to no surprise to me there was NO mention of using lard. I showed it to the Chef and said the recipe doesn't designate lard so I chose to use oil.

He sort of harumpf'd and mumbled and then left my world. I think he took a rocket. I was simmering like a pot of molten lava for most of the morning.

Back to the pork. You may not believe this but after frying and simmering the pork in a sauce I had to take it out when it was softened and DEEP FRY the morsels till crispy then re-add them to the sauce for further cooking. Can you believe that?! I can't believe it and I did it. And he wanted me to use Lard?!? I was Shock! Lard, he mentioned to me shortly after, was not a contributor to high cholesterol anyway. Oh boy! I'm going to rush out and buy myself some Bakenettes! You know, those fried pork skins that taste like styrofoam? My daughter used to call them the thirsty chips when she was young since you could not eat one and swallow without help - they are ek-tream-ally dry. But good. I should have put the crispy fried pork in a 3 egg omelet, topped with some sour cream, loads of cheese and a phone call to the local EMTs so I could arrive at the ER right on time for my heart attack.

I may be crazy but I'll have to go in tomorrow for more of this deep fried fun. Like taking a double bacon cheeseburger and covering it with beer batter and then deep frying it. I think our Chef kit the school gives us should have a little box of various Stents so we can just have them handy for the ride over in the ambulance.

If anyone out there is a lawyer, could you just see about hooking me up with some Jury Duty next week? I dont think I'll make it through another week of beef, pork, lard, or double deep fried morsels of clumped cholesterol. Thanks. You're a pal.