The Kitchen Bitch

Like any college environment, cooking school had its little silly 'frat jokes', its just that our pranks are food related. The only danger is to your ego. I'll miss some of these if just for their entertaining value.

Often when beginning a new 3 week class we would find 'new' students among us. Like little sea creatures that beached themselves. Some we liked and would help back to the sea of life making friends of them along the way; while others found themselves amid hostile islanders with sharp-tounged instruments.

It was difficult for anyone new coming into a class that had been forged together since day one without them feeling like they were an outsider. Our group fortunately held together as best as possible pretty well with only 55% fallout. That's actually a good number. Other classes were not as lucky as our class and had lost even more. The splintered groups or remianing individuals would then be blended with another class when efficiency required. While it may have served the Academy it wasn't a dream move for the stray sheep.

Teams were made and wasted by the injection of someone no one seemed to find acceptable. As a rule, most new-comers were there because they failed a previous class once or twice and were required to re-do it. Those of us who showed up everyday and worked hard didn't care for the lack of work ethic which, on average, never improved anyway. Neither did their cooperation or utter lack of even simple culinary knowledge.

To these misfits we would initially send them on a quest to find a little known magical kitchen tool, or better said, "imaginary tool". When we were elbows deep in slimy goo we would find the nearest slacker and ask if they could please get the: Rice Peeler; Orriechette Imprint Stamp; Get me a Sprig of Walnut; and finally, after several failed searches, simply ask them to help set up the Voice Activated Credit Card Machine. By then, even the most tatoo'd knew where they stood with our class. Brother Phil was a big promoter of the infamous rice peeler and VM CC machine. He's a funny guy. I'll bet he's still thinking of when he can ask a newer intern than him where these toys are out in Colorado where he is interning. A leopard doesn't change its spots.

You'd be surprised how long it could take a slacker to find non existant items and still pass a class.

Sadly, I say goodbye to the fun of watching blank faces searching in vain for the Holy Kitchen Grails. Ha Ha Ha.