Oscar Meyer Chocolate Box

Every day we must take on the onerous task of tempering and working with chocolate. The first day's work had me looking like I just got off one of Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs episodes. One of my classmates even refused to continue to work with me as she didn't want to clog up her washing machine that night. It was hellacious work. So much dark, gooey chocolate, so little clean space to work in, so much patience.

Our job was to work the chocolate into shapes and make a triangle box with a top on it. Sounds easy enough. Chef made it look darn simple. Needless to say, at the end of the class you might as well have packed me a brown bag lunch and popped me on the short yellow bus. It was this woman that turned 'darn simple'.

With a sense of imagination I did make a box. Of sorts. I told everyone I made a coffin. It was dark and foreboding indeed. I carefully wrapped it up in several layers of plastic wrap disguising it as a slice of cake. I had to smuggle it out of school lest ANYONE see what I had done. What an embarassment.

When I got into the Bat Cave I tossed it in the trash. No photo. Oh hell no. Had I done that and posted it here I would have had to attach photos of a tsunami sized barf bag, some industrial strength eye bleach, towelettes by Hazmat and goggles by NASA. No sirree. No photos. I don't need that slice of Lucifer following my career as a Chef.

Today went far better. I didn't get all messed up and I made nice little squares that I can create a good little box with tomorrow. Then I just head to UPS and ship that sucker far, far away. There is a crystalized reason I did NOT get into the Baking and Pastry Program. I'm a savory type, not a creamy sweet carmely type.

Well that last line should get some comments!

Intro to Baking and Pastry Tomorrow

I'm sure you're all drooling with some kind of B&P envy but look at it from my perspective for a moment. This adorable little photo tells the story of my fear of B&P. I MUST find the courage to carve my path through the dough, the fresh baked crossiants, the amazing desserts, the chocolate, sugar, caramel, and on and on.

We poached pears in wine, which made a lot of sense to me, in Garde Manger but I think we may be carmellizing them over some kind of ice creme now.

I can almost feel my fat cells saying "Oh geez, we gotta make room somewhere, we're heading for a family reunion. Oh dear, where are we going to put all our fat relatives?! Someone ask the hips and tummy the rest of you scout out new places to lodge them. Hey! Try under the upper arm, I've seen that on people. They can hang like they're in a hammock!. Yeah, that's it".

Of course they'll all bring luggage too.

I'll have to learn how to trip and fall in this class right before trying something or (God forbid)taking something home. Quick! Someone send me a Just Say No sticker STAT!