You're lookin' at it Baby. My next assignment or project for European Cuisine. Dare I call this assortment Cuisine? How's 'bout we jest call it supper.

We Hat Picked our mystery country yesterday and I somehow mistakenly picked Southern Germany! Yikes. No one wanted to trade with me. Iceholes! Our project is due next week and I have to put together a four course meal for it. Seems to me that mustard is a "course" with German food. Sauerkraut is like the only vegetable allowed and I'm really not pleased that I have to cook food that is considered Wurst!!

I'll have to make due. Considering the Chef is part German, I'll make him some Spatzel, Beer Soup and plenty of sausages with Krauts. (what did I do to deserve this!) The others picked places like Spain, Portugal, France, Italy - Northern and Southern and I picked the Land of 1500 different sausages. Whoopee.

I signed up for a wine tour this Saturday morning to Napa. The school has put it together along with a light breakfast, transportation and a lunch. We'll be going to Mondavi and a few others. Learning some inside stuff I guess. Should be worth the day's time. I shall report to the blogmeister upon returning (or as soon as I've recovered). The weather's been good so the trip should be very enjoyable. Let's see, no driving, wine tasting, free food, Yep its a keeper!

Well, time to dash off so I can put together my recipe for BEER SOUP! Gads. I never thought I'd miss the French. Or the Italians. Huh Joey. Ciao Ciao.

A Taste of Italy

Finally we have arrived at the sacred ground of Italy (right Joey?). Ahhh. The lusciousness of it, the aromas, the fragrance, the garlic! We covered Northern Italy today and my team had 3 dishes to divide amongst us and I chose the one I wanted ASAP. One of these days these guys will realize that I'm not the real leader and start choosing for themselves. Until that happens, I'm taking the lead and cherry picking what I want to do.

Our choices were a warm salad of steamed veggies with a warm proscuitto dressing, hand rolled strands of freshmade pasta in a ragu of pancetta, and sausages and a million other things, and then the Veal stew in a porcini mushroom broth. That's the one I didn't want anyone to screw up. A hearty veal stew. I am the only female on my team and these guys all seem like they know what they're doing up front. I've concluded they are "players" and therefore delegate the cooking list for the day. They even come up to me and ask who and what's to cook. I'm amazed. It makes life pretty easy for me.

The guy on the pasta must have missed the class on rolling out pasta. This stuff was the size of 3 slices of white bread squashed down thick. I have never eaten such thick pasta. I should have made that dish. Pity. Then the guys on the salad, which had beets, forgot to keep the beets separate so the end result was a reddish green/brown broccoli with red everywhere. I hate beets anyway but I should have made that dish too.

I'm not trying to sound like a snob. I just know that some things are just not right no matter what the recipe says. Take my Lamb Stew for instance. I added some port wine for a bit of flavor while the meat was browning, I tasted while cooking and found it a bit flat so I added my best friend of Garlic then decided after a while that it still needed something else so I kicked it up a bit with crushed red pepper flakes. None of which was in the "recipe". The end result was pretty good but a bit much on the heat of the pepper flakes. Even still, our neighboring Chef came in and tried my stew and I heard him tell our Chef it was good. Then he turned back and got a whole bowl of it and ate it! YES! That was the best compliment since it was between the two chefs! I'm happy.

I ate my stew for dinner tonight too. Yumm... nighty-nite y'all.

Napolean Never Had It This Good!

We've completed one week of our European Cuisines ending on the shores of Britain including the Loovely Land O' Errrland. (you know, shamrocks and leprecauns) Accents are so hard to to electronically. Bloddy 'ell.

How good was the food you ask? Eh. I made something called Colcannon and Boxty potatoes. The Boxty's are something like a hash brown with buttermilk in them. They were hard to cook, fell apart at the sight of a spatula, and tasted like a... hash brown. BFD. Waste of good buttermilk. Who buys buttermilk anyway?! If you do buy some to make these god-forsaken little burps of misery (cooking wise) then you'll be making them again and again just to use up the buttermilk. We shall call it the Buttermilk Conspiracy with Matt Damon at the lead. He'll carry a folding spatula in search of the Holy Teflon Pan. AFTER I struggled with the freakin' Boxty's (where do these people get these names for food?!) then the Chef gave us all some "Tips" on how to do this recipe without the food sticking to our skillets. Gee thanks Chef. I had to pick blackened bits of boxties off your chef plate and NOW you tell me.

The Colcannon was good, but then again, it was basically a hot potato salad with the addition of only cabbage and green onions. It did have a wad of butter though. We should just make food like this and serve it to our enemies to win wars. They'll die from artery clogging butter fat in no time flat. How do the Brits manage to live through their own food?

Our class also made a Scotch Broth (lamb or beef stew), London Clam Soup (think fog colored soup), Shepard's Pie, which for some reason the Chef made some connection to the Johnnie Depp movie Sweeny Todd, about cutting up people and putting them in these pies and selling them to the unsuspecting public. So for that reason, I don't know how it tastes since I don't eat people.
We did have some good Fish and Chips and a nice platter of broccoli and cauliflower with a Mornay sauce.

In the end, it was all good fun. I love the swearing, yelling, ecentric pace of 12 chefs a'blazin'! The energy is exciting. You're running here and there with hot pans of grease and boiling pots of water constantly passing behind you by someone running to the sink pit. Its like a wild game of dodge ball, blind man's bluff and Rover, Rover all at once. I really like our Chef too. He's a hoot. He keeps calling me Barbara so finally yesterday I taped my name tag with masking tape and wrote Barbara on it! I then told him that I probably won't respond to Barbara SINCE that's not my name and if he calls me Debra I probably won't respond to that either since he hasn't called me that in a WEEK! Ha. We laughed.

I've been perfecting my Dead Pan humor in his class. Its been very difficult for me since I really find my own sayings funny to myself. It's like my voice box is possessed by someone else sometimes and I hear what comes out of my own mouth and its pretty darn funny. So I laugh. So I'm currently trying to tame the funny beast that lives inside me. This is a lesson in restraint.

But I digress..... Back to foods. Next week we creep up in the still of the night on France and Italy then we wage a fierce battle of tongs and vegetable peelers for two days until we make mincemeat pies from them! We shall clear the streets of France of all the Slotted Spoons in the Red Light districts and we shall pry and fry the remaining spaghetti westerns from the very hands of Italian Producers! Onward Kitchen Soldiers!!

[somewhere along the line my reality base is fuzzing up, doncha think?]

Grazing in the Saddle Again

Finally, we are back to cooking. Our current class is The Principals of European Cuisine. Monday we cooked Scandanavian and Russian, Tuesday we tackled Germany and devoured it and today we invaded Spain and Portugal leaving just the bones behind! Yum. Every day gets better tasting. Monday was not a favorite by the way.

I love the buffet style dining we get to do after we're all done. We break up in teams and each team is assigned different dishes to prepare so we get to taste it all. Today my dish was an Ensalata Mista. Basically a mixed salad. It was almost like a Nicoise Salad but without the tuna fish. Boiled eggs, cooked red potatoes, blanched asparagus, fresh artichoke hearts boiled in lemon water and chilled in an ice bath, tomatoes blanched and peeled and cut in 8ths, all tossed with a Sherry Vinigarette with minced garlic and a touch of lemon juice then garnished with anchovies and lemon wedges served over Romaine and Butter Lettuce. It was really tasty.

A nice summer salad that is quite filling. I was glad I got a chance to learn how to fix the artichokes. I have been wanting some instruction on cutting them up and preparing them differently than I always do (which is just steaming or boiling them whole). I learned something today and I ate a lot of interesting foods. We had white bean and linguica sausage soups, a Red Bean and Ham Hocks soup, a Caldo Verde soup, a couple of fish dishes, some gazpacho, and a sweet dessert with strawberries and raspberries and a Sangria drink. We also stuff our plastic containers with more to bring home on the sly. Hey, we gotta eat.

I brought home some more of my salad and some dessert. I gotta get me more plastic wear!

New Food Favorite

I cooked up a new idea the other day and its my new favorite so I'm cooking it again tonight for my Cousin Guy.

I had 3 pieces of boneless, skinless chicken thighs and a big "what to do" with them thought. The day before I prepped up some fresh tomatoes by chopping in 1 inch pieces, adding to them some minced garlic, chopped shallots or onions - fine dice (smaller than the tomatoes), added salt and generous pepper, red wine vinegar (didn't have that so I just added some red wine to my apple cider vinegar) and olive oil. Sort of like a tomato salad. Then I put it away in the fridge. My thought being that I would use it as a dressing over fresh baby spinach leaves which I've done before and I love.

But when I browned the chicken in the skillet they looked so lonely I thought I'd add the tomatoes to cheer them up. I poured them over the simi cooked chicken and let that simmer for about 1/2 hour. I removed them from the pan when they were done with a slotted spoon to get all the tomato up and on top of the happy chicken then poured off most all of the juice then added my spinach to saute. I usually put garlic and crushed red peppers in my spinach but not this time. I had some left over Mac and Cheese as my carb section and it was really tasty!

I'm going to do the same again tonight since I think its a keeper. Tonight I'll make it with Orzo Pasta and my spinach that Guy loves.

I heat up a skillet pan, add some olive oil and sprinkle in some crushed red pepper flakes to warm them up nicely (when I begin to smell the heat of the peppers) then I add some sliced garlic and heat that up briefly, not till golden since that ruins it and turns it bitter. I add the spinach and toss to get it all oiled up and cook it down, add some salt and voila! A tasty spinach.

Simple and easy is my game plan. Its a beautiful day here in sunny San Fran. Bright blue skies and the weather has finally broken its menacing heat wave. I'm alive once again!!

Wine, Whine, Wine

Well, our Intro to Wine class is over today. I'm happy to say I scored Aces on both tests, scoring better on the Business Mgmt test! Go Figure. We ended class with some Fortified Wines, like Sherry's and Port's before being released back into the system. We were fortified!

We learned from a Master Taster, Chef Roy Sandoval. He taught us the stuff other wine teachers don't. Other classes are shock! that we can come within a percentage point of the alcohol content and within a year of the vintage on a blind tasting. They didn't learn it from their teaching chefs.

Show me a lable and I can now read it like an open book (or a flat label) and tell you about it. I'm really hoping we get Chef Roy again for Wines II and Business Mgmt II.

By the way, we did taste a bottle of Chateu Neuf du Pape in class and I have to say that it was NOT a good vintage to my tastes. Not what I'm used to. Too much acids and tannins still. Should have been aged more. I still can't wait to open the one Shannon and Lisa sent me. They. Are. So. Cool! You guys ROCK!

We start Monday morning on the Principles of European Cuisine. Free food once again! It'll give our slogged tongues a break from all the wines, champagnes, and fortified wines. But I'll be getting up again at 5:15 again instead of this couch potato 6:15 style of luxury. Oh well, at least its light out on the streets. All the homeless are up and out of the doorways when the sun shines. I have no clue where they go since they don't have a job or a home but they're always mysteriously gone. I don't see them in the parks or on bus benches either. Odd.

I'll be working again this Sunday at a luncheon buffet for George Lucas' Indiana Jones opening movie. I think it will be a big event. More to follow when I get home that afternoon. Should be interesting.

Cheers and Happy Friday!

My First Job!

I did my first job last night from the staffing agency that I hired on with. I work in a Chef capacity at events in San Francisco.

I was really really nervous on what it would be like, how I could get there and more importantly, how to get back home safely. I was stressing Beeg Thyme.

I decided to take a taxi there which cost me $10. The event was huge. 2400 people! It was for the telecom giant CISCO. It was cool they way they had this 125,000 sq.ft. building all decked out with food stations, theme areas, entertainment and all. Pretty amazing. They had 3 "kitchens" going, probably 5 booze stations, and hundreds of wait staff.

I was in Kitchen 2 where our food station was way the heck in another zip code. You know, like when you go to the airport to catch your flight and you're cutting it close but you notice that your boarding gate is the VERY LAST stop. You have to kick butt to get there all hot and sweaty. That's where our food station was. 12 blocks past the last frickin' gate. We had trays of food to deliver all night long. The Turkish Kabobs were put on these grande sized clay glazed trays and must have weighed 5 pounds each empty. As the evening wore on they gained weight (just like I do when I see food) to 90 pounds. Trying to negotiate through a packed crowd required a lot of dexterity and agility, none of which I thought I had anymore. Somehow I came through with some.

Then there was the issue of my shoes. I wore my official chef shoes which are steel toe reinforced so they weigh about 10 lbs each and are extremely uncomfortable. I will not be wearing them to other events unless I know I'll be in a "real" kitchen. Even with 2 Dr. Sholls inserts they hurt. The other annoying thing was that my insert for my left shoe kept sliding forward during the night so I had to keep untying, fixing and retying all night. I gotta buy some crazy glue. I would get tons of arch support where I didn't need it and nothing protecting my heel which did need it.

My feet are big complainers today still. They're still barking like a pair of mad dogs with every step.

The hardest thing of all was walking home from the BART station at the Civic Center and Market street where I was dropped off by another chef. I had a long walk ahead, maybe 10- 12 LONG blocks. In those shoes. In that neighborhood. Up hill. If anyone wanted to mess with me last night I could've kicked 'em in the family jewels or just beat the heck out of them since I wasn't too happy about my long walk.

I have to work another job Sunday at the same place for a George Lucas, Indiana Jones event but this time I'll take my car since parking is free on Sundays. And I'll wear my Merrills for comfort.

The good thing is that I eat some good food, bring some home too and.... uh, um... the food is good anyway. This agency job will work on my resume. Plus I'm making some income finally. I need some input into my outgo.

All in a daze work. ugh.

Having Some Fun

Well, I just finished round 2 of a 6 month event at my Cousin Guy's Art Gallery, 2611 Gallery, (his website is added on my main blog page) doing the fruit and cheese platters. I love the event as I get to "play" with ideas to spice things up a notch.

This time I tried a new style of making Art from fruit by creating a Duck from a Cantaloupe Melon. I had a great time getting it done. Then I added a Watermelon Basket to put more fruit in. I really was thrilled with the outcome.

The Gallery is always a fun night for me since I get to meet the other artist's and talk with them, see their work and eat good food! Nice things will come from this event. I feels it in me bones.

The Wines of France

We're studying the wines of France right now and so far we tasted the Alsace region of white wines and today we entered the Loire Valley region. Again white wines. The region of both is cold and damp so the wines are more acidic which is something I do not like in a wine. I know some people just love a brisk refreshing glass of lemon juice but not me. We tried a Muscadet wine which had to be like sucking on a handrag dipped in vinegar. Blech! By the time we got to the Sauvignon Blanc I was sure I was smelling cat piss. Some people like cat piss. Not me.

As my dearest friend Joe says, White Wine is for old people and children. I know I act like a child from time to time and I know there have been times when I've been SHOCK (a papa John word) to see myself in the mirror, but you won't catch me (or Joe) drinking white wine as a habit.

I actually asked the Chef if it would help if I added sugar to my wine. He didn't really think people did that. I would consider it if I lived in the Loire Valley region of France. I would also consider sobriety. With white wine the color ranges between Straw to Gold. As it matures it gets darker. The stuff we drank today started out like a Marilyn Monroe platinum and ended in a Paris Hilton blond. One non-existant and the other wacked out. I got confused in my tasting and realized at one point I was drinking my spitoon wine! I figured it out since it was more filtered and thusly, tasted better. blech. My classmates got a laugh.

I hope tomorrow we get in our Short Yellow Bus and head to a warmer region of France for some good Reds. The Redder the Better. At least this class is teaching me the regions to avoid like the Black Plague if I ever set foot in France again.

But, I live to suffer through another day of wine tasting. Oh yeah, we also take a business management class in the mornings too. Wine class is just more fun to talk about. Until tomorrow. Happy Cinco De Mayo mi compadres!

You Are What You Eat

How can you even cook something this beautiful?! This is a member of the cabbage family. I'd say the rich Second Cousin twice removed. Its called "chou Romanescu" and it is a beautiful example of fractals in food.

There is so much to appreciate with food. Fork, knife, spoon. That pretty much covers it.

Okay, lets all get terribly spiritual here and say this is the only veg that grows on Tom Cruise's property.

I love this vegetable. Its sooo amazing. Can you see why I love food so much??

Gotta Love This School!

Today in class, we tasted an Alsace (region) - Gerwertztraminer (grape) which is from France. But the name of the grape sounds German you may say. Yes, but the French had a war and took over that section of Germany a long time ago and now it's in France with the German name. I'm guessing the French never changed the name as a little reminder to the Germans. Something along those lines.

But I digress! (we tend to do that a lot in class with the wine tasting part) The wine was unbalanced, too acidic and young. I can't believe I knew that after the first taste!! If I tried to correct the balance I'd end up with more acid, compromising what little flavor this wine had. Its only redeeming value (my opinion here) was that it had a big alcohol content which I blind guessed right at 13%! Another stunning thing I'm learning in this class. Its soooo much fun. Especially at 11am! HA I guess this is the reason I'm always leaving this class feeling so happy. I'm learning something. hic.

Thursday we tasted a couple of California wines which was a better tasting experience. A Cabernet Sauvignon and a Chardonnay. This is just the best school ever where we get to eat and drink our work! I miss the cooking part but the wine class definitely softens the edges. I think in the Advanced Wines class we get to pair the wine with actual food. Then guess what we can do? Yep. Chef Lunchtime. Just another reason to breathe.

By the way, this wine stuff is easy. I could teach you and you'd learn it in 3 days. We're being taught all the back door stuff no one teaches you b/c they'd rather you didn't know how easy it is to know what you're buying. Then they'd lose their importance!

I'll drink to that! I have to go now and further educate myself at Bev More. Ta-ta.

Lesson from the Seven Dwarfs

Recovering from an anxiety meltdown of financial distress yesterday after paying some bills now and looming in the near future I took prudent steps to help quash the tide of dollars gushing down the drain on bills so I secured myself a position (part-time) as a cook for a catering company here in SF.

I met the gal from the Catering Staffing firm at one of the CCA's career fair's recently and filled out the application she gave me and dropped it off today. I got there in time to fill out more paperwork and have an interview with her, which was good since she met me at CCA. I was hired on the spot. That gives me more ability to sleep tonight. Yay me.

Thursday, I'll return with my two forms of ID and must bring in my uniform since they have a job for that day and "you never know" if they will need an extra cook. Otherwise I'll be on call during the week and weekends.

Well, what with my 6 weeks of NO COOKING I finally get a chance to recall how to light a stove and heat something up.

I'll work part time and possibly weekends to pick up some "lettuce". I refer to 'it' as lettuce so as to remind myself of my initial decision that It's Not About The Money. However, reality barks at my door like two hungry, angry pit bulls freshly neutered. The bills are still there regardless of my symantics. The dogs must be fed.

Like a good owner, I am hustling my butt back to remunitive work so I can buy a couple of collars for the damn dogs. At least I don't have to walk them at night.

New Classes Today

Today we started with Business Management from 7am to 9:30, then moved on to Intro to Wines. Like slipping on a comfy pair of house slippers.

Business Mgmt reminds me of where I just came from (law office mgmt). Its easy enough since it deals with things I'm familiar with on running someone else's business using their money! My favorite setup. Oddly, the business wasn't doing well so they sold it to another firm... hummmm. Oh well, I was tiring of it after 7 years.

From 9:30 till noon we are studying the intricacies of wines, vineyards, fermenting and other mouthwatering jammy spice, blackberry, cherry and plum stuff. The Chef says when we're done we should be able to bet anyone at a party what the wine is, the year - give or take a year - and whether or not it was barreled or bottled. Pretty interesting. We learned a lot about grapes today and the ones that we don't use are the ones you get in the store. Those are eating grapes or the grapes of wrath from the sun, african pigmy shrunken head stuff. Raisins. No No. No wine there.

Chef says by Wednesday we should begin tasting. Just think, how awful is it that for school I have to drink wines every morning for 2.5 weeks. I mean, I have to pass this class don't I? Oh, and the Chef also said we will be making our Own Wine in class! Cool. Who knew. My attendance record just zoomed up some more notches.

I seriously doubt that I will be making anything close to the bottle of Chateau-Neuf-du-Pape that Shannon and Lisa sent me when they went wine tasting down in LA but I'll try ladies, I'll try. (thank you again!) I'm saving that stuff for something real special. Like when I rondevous with them again for a good card game.

Well, I guess I'll go for the night. Gotta get up early and pay attention! La la la, la tee da... Yippee.

Let Them Eat Cake!!

I like this RICE pudding. I don't believe there is a shortage of RICE! I think its just China getting back at the US and the World for the hubbub over the Olympics. Just like the contrived Gas Shortage. Give me a break. The powers in governments (global) are looking to fill their pockets and try to find ways to panic the people by "inventing" these absurd 'shortages'.

So, with all that in mind, here's a delicious and nutritious dessert thats easy to make. I made it during my Contemporary Foods class.

Lemon Rice (that new dirty four letter word) Pudding with Apples and Cinnamon.

1/2 cup short grain rice
5 cups milk

4 Tbsp sugar
zest of 2 lemons finely grated
2 Tbsp butter

Roma apples work here or anyone you prefer. I used 2 for 4 portions. In an oven proof saute pan, cook the thinly sliced cored and peeled apples in butter with sugar and cinnamon. Mix with rice and milk and place in oven at 350 for half hour (depends on your stove or altitude) Check before the 30 minutes are up to give you an idea of how much longer you need. All liquid should be absorbed but bottom shouldn't be burned. When its done you can put it into a mold or rounded bowl and press down. Let cool a bit while you take some plain yogurt and honey and the zest of the lemon and mix for the topping on the pudding. Invert the mold or bowl and top with yogurt dressing, serve. Very healthy. I don't add the amount of yogurt or honey since that is a decision you make according to your tastes.

For those of you annoyed that I don't give exact measurements its because this is how you should "eyeball" stuff and taste, taste, taste as you go along to learn exactly how you want something to taste rather than 'trust' some recipe blindly. I'm sure we have all, at one time or another, followed a recipe to the letter only to be sorely disappointed at the result. You should also figure out how much of something will suit your needs. Like above, for 4 persons I may choose to use 2 cups of yogurt or 4 ounces per topping of pudding each. The honey (or brown sugar or regular sugar or sweetner) is just till I get the taste I'm looking for as a topping. If there is more pudding left after all the servings have been dished up then save it. You can always refridgerate and make fresh topping or use some favorite jam heated in a small saucepan for a topping. Its totally up to you.

I just wanted to give you a healthier alternative. Enjoy.

Math Final Friday!!

I'm toooo excited because I PASSED my final exam in Purchasing Math with an 80%. You may say, Oh Deb, how you've let go of your High Standards! I'll say a resounding No because I am notoriously NO GOOD at math. I know it. But I studied real hard. I have band-aids surrounding my head like a crown of thorns. Yes, my head hurts but I passed. I do believe this sets me up for an "A" in Kitchen Math since we had a lot of other daily quizs, a recipe project and more. I did good.

I quit drinking for 2 weeks so I could concentrate during these last two weeks and today I celebrated with 2 beers with my lunch and then had to take a 2 hour nap! I'm out of the drinking game. I'd rather be in the Ace-ing game anyway.

Yeah Me!! I'm happy.

15 Minutes and Still Nothing to Say

I've been sitting in front of my computer for 15 minutes waiting for something clever, witty, original, plagiarized, anything to put down on my blog and nothing comes up. I know I haven't written for 3 days or thereabout but I'm an empty slate.

I think the math stuff is wiping my brain clean of all right brained activity. Either that or I'm so left brain heavy that the right brain went on "tilt" and the doors locked. As usual, I can't find anything in my beensy little cubby hole room let alone the vast untouched spaces in my brain where I could hide a single key.

Every Day. I kid not. I "lose" something. I'm in constant amazement that this is even possible. My room is way too small for such unacceptable behavior. Yet, I'm always on the hunt. For instance, yesterday I had to make copies of some very important documents to mail. I went to the copy shop, made my copies, stole 3 extra paper clips - they were in a hugh container by the copy machines, so naturally they meant for me to have some - and brought them home, I needed them. I put the documents/paperclips on my bed and then got busy collating and examining all items for proper signatures etc. When I went to get the paper clips to mail them - they were gone. I was sure I had them on the bed but made a diligent effort to scour the entire room for them. Long (trite) story short, they fell off the bed on the carpet. I didn't think to look there since I placed them in the middle of the bed.

Then, a few days before that, I needed my own personal bath towel that I have in the room in case housekeeping forgets about me (which is often enough that I have my own personal bath towel). I know I have it. I look and look and never find it. Then the next day as I'm leaving my room I do a once over in case I've forgotten something and - Yes, there is the bath towel resting over the back of a chair. Who knew. I thought by leaving it out in the open I wouldn't lose it. Ha! Not so.

Its terribly irritating when you constantly have to waste valuable time looking for something. I'm getting to be very annoyed with myself. Maybe that's why the voices in my head are quiet. Hopefully, they'll get over this and come back out (or in really) to play and talk to me. The voices are the only ones I really ever talk to anyway, except maybe Glo in Flo. Hi Glo.

Well, now all I can say is that I spent 1/2 hour saying basically nothing at all on this blog. Maybe its nap time and I just forgot about it. Gotta go have a close look at my pillow. My brain is bruised from all the Purchase Math we did today in class. We took a 4 person recipe and blew it up to 150 people menu. That meant taking the 6 ounce slice of meat and multiplying it up so I know how much Mad Cow I have to buy to get rid of all these people. Piece O' Cake you say? Well then why don't you take the few sprigs of thyme I need in the wine reduction sauce bouquet and tell me how many bunches of thyme I need for all these idiots!! These People are getting on My Last Nerve!!!! (exclamation marks are free on Tuesdays)

Definitely nap time with a nice little blue pill for my rattled nerves. After all, I only have one bathroom for 150 people. Chef didn't think of that, did he?!

Days like this I wish the world was flat. I'd take a long walk right now... (just get me out of Math)

Kitchen Math is a Bad Dish!

Having loads of cheap fun in computer class these days. We started doing Kitchen Math. WTF, you say is that? Well, we try to do metric conversions from US standards. Why? As if I knew. I don't plan on moving to the EU anytime soon.

Actually, its so we can price out the value of items comparatively. (I'm beginning to sound like my Chef Instructor) Meaning, if Vendor A was selling a 12 fluid ounce bottle of pork butt juice for $9 and Vendor B was selling a 500 ml bottle for $12.75, and then that idiot from the uptown shop - Vendor C was selling quarts of this crap for $26 (like I'd ever buy pork butt juice in a Quart size. What an idiot!) Anyway, (gawd I hate vendor C) I'd like to stay in business buying my favorite hi-volume product so who should I buy from that will save me money?

No one will tell me how to convert 1 bunch of cilantro from US to Metric. Iceholes all of them!

The other fun thing is figuring out how much carrots cost me to buy by the weight oz, the lb., a cup (diced) and a Quart (same dice), when I buy the 25 lb bag of carrots for $14.95 a pound. Its a laugh a minute in this class. I told the chef that after 3 hours of this torture my head hurt like a serious hangover. I go in feeling fine and come out feeling like I was the only one in a hammer fight without the hammer.

I might start drinking coffee again. This class is like a giant valium. I hate math. I had to cheat on my final in High School and I still got a D. Well there you have it. I just dished up a secret from my past for dessert. How much did that cost me?!

Happy Tax Day. NOT!

Its April 15th whether you like it or not. For some reason, being unemployed for 10 months last year I STILL have to pay taxes! I just don't get the reasoning behind Govn't "benefits". The photo Explains everything about where my "refund" is going.

Martini time. Must rush off.....

New Neighbor Highlights

[this post may disturb senstitive stomaches] it did mine momentarialy (read, for about 10 minutes)

Since I have no COOKING news, I do however have a new set of neighbors as of today. Earlier this evening as I was finishing up my culinary resume I heard this oldster yabbering about not being able to open the door to the room next door with his plastic key card. I felt compelled to help, opened my door and showed him how to use it. He thanked me and he and his antique buddy entered room 207 (next to room 206 which is mine.)

As you may recall in previous emails, I occasionally mention the antics and bothersomeness of my temporary (but miserable) "neighbors".

I could only guess what my little buddies next door were here for. My thoughts followed this line of thinking: a) A funeral b) A class reunion of 8 remaining members or c) An organ donor party.

Neighbor 'A' was the key challenged fellow and neighbor 'B' is the dottering dear I'm worried about. Minimally worried I should add.

Not long after occupying their "suite" (after all, I have the exact layout, therefore it must be a sweet at the Oasis Inn) I was BLOWN away by the noise next door. As I have said previously, these walls are made from spit and toilet paper. There is NO insulation whatsoever. What can only be described as a serious health issue demanding immediate review by the Board of Health, was that I heard neighbor B (yeah, I could make distin-stink-tion from the sound of their voices) literally blow his entire intestinal flora at one moment in time. I'm calling this a medical case of Hat Raising Flatulence! The sound reverbrated throughout the building I'm sure as my room was clearly twanging from the explosion.

I think it did toss him off the throne. He started coughing up a lung immediately afterward. I started, as frantic as I possibly could, to light matches on my side of the wall. I did not want a scratch and sniff episode. I indeed think his continued tuberculotic coughing and eventual hurling was just a symptom of the initial balast broach.

It was astonishing. If not for its initial shocking value, I would not have considered blogging this unfortunate incident except for the previous mentioned fact that there is nothing culinary to blog about.

I think I can almost hear you also privately wishing my cooking classes were occupying my time again. Not so. I have 5 more weeks of paying attention to whom they allow in Room 207. Until cooking resumes, I give you farewell. I'm just a tool of my circumstances at this point.

Think good thoughts for me....and read the next 5 weeks of blogging with a tsp of sugar (or salt)

The Non-Cooking Class

Right now we are in a 1 1/2 week Software Applications class, aka computer class. For me it's pretty basic knowledge that Chefs will need to know when they have their own restaurants. It is hard to sit for 5 hours at the computer doing things I used to do years ago.

Most of us who are computer oriented are having trouble staying awake. I read the news, check emails. Our next class after this is Kitchen Math, something like that. Great.

No cooking. No cool photos of our foods, kitchens, trays of fruit or cheese. No Free Food. Nothing.

Gawd this is horrible. However, on the bright side, I may loose more weight since I don't really eat anything worthwhile until noon or 1pm. There's gotta be a bright side!

Computer Class Prez Bush Style

Well, well. I'm learning basics of computers for 5 hours. I learned how to change margins, do bold, italic and underlined type, change the fonts, ad nauseum. Opps, did I do spell check yet?!

What the heck am I doing on a blog? Oh well, they didn't plan for me too be that 'advanced'.

(yep, Prez Bush knows and he don't care. Just fill in the blanks anyway)

Gotta do this for 1 and 1/2 weeks. At least I don't have to struggle to avoid washing dishes. Which, by the way, also means that there will be NO COOKING during that time.

I want my money back now! For someone who LIVES to cook this is the equivilent to putting John the Baptist on some isolated island away from his flock to feed them words of wisdom (basically leaving them still hungry). I feel ya J. I know the pain.... Oh Lordy, do I. You just don't know if they're eating right.

We don't get to eat, we don't cook, we don't even get to wash a dish.

Ah hell. Life's over for a week and a half.

Spring Break Comes, then Goes...

I'm finding myself at the end of my Spring Break.

Time flies way too fast. The planet must be spinning faster than usual. WTF! Six months are gone?! It'll be no time before I'm a full fledged Cordon Bleu Chef. I am amazed. I'm not happy that the next 5-6 weeks I will NOT be cooking. I'll be in a computer class and then Intro to Wines. (that's an easy A)

I spent the week cooking at Mum's and Papa John's home. I was in a real flurry to make everthing I could and had been thinking of cooking. One afternoon I traveled to the Restaurant Supply place to buy the things I needed, like a portable propane burner and wok, some catering platters for a cheese and a fruit display for my upcoming debut catering my cousin Guy's art gallery's Art Walk for the second Saturday's of every month from April through September. I may get some work from that hopefully. I'm excited.

I made a couple of soups to warm the cold nights and I made a tomato meat sauce over polenta slices like a lasagne. It was my first time making polenta and it turned out, well, perfect.

I had a day at the Stonestown Mall, think Williams and Sonoma. I get a discount there anyway b/c of my affiliation with the Culinary School. [danger!]

I at least spent one whole day JELLING. Just playing on the computer, reading cooking books and magazines, and sitting in the sun outside in the yard reading my novel. One whole day relaxing. Ahhhh. Felt good. I still mentally reside on that lounge chair in the sun.

Last night, my cousin Guy and I tried a new Italian restaurant close to home that I found on the internet Citysearch. com site. I love that site. Whatever city you are in you can find things to do, places to eat, etc on Citysearch.com.

The restaurant was really quaint. The whole place was a mural of the Italian countryside. Campy but sweet. It wasn't very busy so our service was good, but the real show was the food. OMG! The Carpacio was the best I've had and made my cousin a believer that raw beef can be made lovely and delicious. He ordered the Calamari Steak breaded and topped with tomato coulis and capers with a dash of lemon juice. I ordered the Rack of Lamb with a wine reduction sauce. Really yummy. Our dishes were served with creamy polenta, a side of pasta which was very good, and fresh cooked veggies. Perfectly cooked to crunchy, not overcooked. What a treat!!

Then I came back to reality. I'm half-way through my schooling. Only 6 months away.

I am SHOCK (thnx Papa John)! It also means that I will no longer be living at the ever so lovely Oasis Hotel. Where the heck will I go then?! The frets and worries of the six month fever.

Isn't life just one heck of a fun roller coaster? Maybe this is the real life of a personal/private Chef. I'm adaptable. I'm sure all will work out well. Its just so tense if I really think about it. My IRA is translating into _I_t's _R_unning _A_way..... just don't know if it will last.

Eh! Fugettaboudit!! Doan Stress.

Food for Thought

Older Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body: the crepey neck, the wrinkly eyes, and the sagging (ever stretching )butt. And often I am a bit sad by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my adventurous life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating a cookie, or for not making my bed (although I always do!), or for buying silly things, that I have no idea where they are today, but I had to have. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy if I want, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 70 & 80s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over my too large body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set . They, too, will get older.

I know I am sometimes forgetful (just ask my daughter). But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when you lose a beloved pet? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being older. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it) Live Large, Laugh Often.

Contemporary Cooking Class is Over

Darn. I really got into the daily buffet. Now I'll have to bring food in or buy it. I love free healthy foods. I ate some really good stuff over the past 3 weeks. So much so that I believe I will change my eating habits. I have already. Grains are really filling and with all the nutrition from all the vegetables, soups, and fruits I find that I'm not so hungry later.

Today was my Final presentation of my macrobiotic diet menu. I had to develop a menu that stayed within guidelines of 1200 calories (all 4 dishes combined) and 1000 mg of sodium, and then limited fats, cholesterol, proteins etc. I did it and it was really good.

For the starter I made Miso Soup with snow peas, shitake mushrooms, scallions and sweet corn from the cob instead of tofu.

Then I prepared a Fish in a 5 spice rub topped with chopped tomato, onion, garlic, diced jalapeno and caper topping on a bed of fresh Heirloom tomatoes. Very tasty!

Next was a Roasted Poblano Chile stuffed with spanish rice and sweet corn topped with Monterey Jack cheese and baked in the oven then served on top of a Creamy Lemon Sauce made from raw cashews (soaked overnight in water), a couple tsp of Miso and 1/2 cup of lemon juice. I added two packets of Stevia all natural sweetener and it was perfect.

Dessert was a Rice Pudding with fresh pears in lemon juice baked with nutmeg and cinnamon. It was very nice.

I added my special touch of a couple of Baby Eggplant Penguins. The eyes are Black Beluga Lentil. I loved them! So cute.

Now I have a WHOLE week off for Spring Break. I'm so ready for that. I get to sleep in for 9 whole days. Heaven.

Apply Defibulator, STAT!!!

Do You Know Where You're Children Are? This is where mine was on Easter Sunday. OMG!

This is what happened to me when I found out!!! This stunt cost me a ton in AGE LINES!! A Dios Mio....